Last time we looked at the 5 reasons you should consider getting a coach. That’s the one where I started by telling you you don’t actually NEED a coach, remember?
Yeah, killer self-promotion, I know.
Now let’s do the opposite. There’s good reasons for getting a coach because coaching is actually bloody darn useful, but there’s also some really bad reasons for considering a coach.
Here’s the 5 absolutely wrong reasons to get coaching.
A coach is not a motivational speaker. Even though your coach will at times be the person who helps you up from the mud and gives you a pep talk, that’s not what you hire a coach for.
Motivational speakers, especially the really bad ones, tend to motivate externally. That’s when you join a bunch of other people in a giant lecture hall to listen someone inspire you for 2 hours and then charge you a bunch of money for the pleasure. This sort of motivation wears off quickly after the seminar and you need a new motivation dose soon after.
A coach does the opposite. A coach will help you find and access the power within you that motivates you to take action. And here’s the thing. When you have complete clarity about what your direction is, you don’t need motivation.
Pursuing your dream becomes something you just do.
How’s that possible? Well, imagine someone motivating you to breathe.
In! Out! You can do it! Keep breathing!
Silly, right? Pursuing your dreams can be as natural as breathing for you.
I never liked the term “life coach”. To me it sounds like someone would tell you how to live your life. A coach is not there to offer you some easy answers. Actually, it’s rather the opposite.
A great coach is an adept listener and will suggest a new perspective on your situation. This new angle might even be complete bollocks and you might disagree with it completely. That’s the point. It’s not meant to be an answer.
What this does is reveal the right QUESTIONS. It is then up to you to figure out the answers. Sometimes the answer is right in front of your nose but you were blind to it.
Sometimes there is no answer.
Point is, all you need is the question to drive you forward.
While a mentor can be a coach, a coach’s primary job is not to be your mentor. A great coach will help you walk through fire, and believe absolutely that you’re able to walk through fire … but they will not LEAD you through the fire. Often times they don’t even have experience walking through the fire themselves.
A great coach will empower you to lead yourself through whatever challenges you face.
Your coach will likely not be an expert in your field. In fact, it’s often better if they’re rather ignorant of what you do, so they can ask the seemingly obvious questions you didn’t think to ask. They’re not burdened by the curse of knowledge and other biases.
In short, a great coach will help you untangle the mess in your mind, clear up the fog and enable YOU to take the action you know you must take, but the rest is up to you. Your coach will not hold your hand.
This is the life coach thing again. You don’t NEED coaching to live your life.
You don’t need a coach to be adequate.
You are FUCKING AMAZING.
A common sales and marketing tactic is to make you feel inferior first, and then offer you the miracle cure as a solution to your predicament. I’ve heard some coaches do this to increase their demand.
You’re perfect as you are.
…Ironically, THAT’S where a great coach can help.
We’re so inundated with self doubt and so eager to stifle our growth journey with various forms of self sabotage, that sometimes we need an external voice to remind us that we are actually fucking amazing. Someone to remind us that 90% of the worries in our minds are just a result of good old monkey mind trying to protect us.
So you don’t need a coach to be amazing, but a coach can help you remember how amazing you actually are.
Now this is a bit of a toughie.
A great coach will help you reach your dreams, that I can say almost for sure. But you’re the one reaching the dream. You’re the one doing all the heavy lifting. You are the big damn hero.
The coach is not the hero. Do you need the coach to reach your dreams? No.
Will a great coach help ease that journey and shorten the time to get there? Most likely.
Will a great coach help you shift your mindset, so that previously impossible things now seem like possible things? Yes.
You shine the light on your own path. A coach is just there to make sure your light shines brighter than you ever thought possible.
Are you working because you want to, or because you SHOULD?
It sounds like an easy question, especially for us business owners. But there’s a catch.
(There’s always a catch.)
See, even now, a part of me wants to write this post in a way that gets maximum engagement. A part of me is whispering into my ear the sweet nothings of marketing wisdom.
On some level, I believe that there’s a particular way I SHOULD be writing this.
But then I realize – there’s only one way I can write my stuff.
The way I WANT to. And that’s actually the only way I’m able to create any content. When I let go of the idea of being CORRECT.
And that’s the only thing your customer/client/listener/reader is interested in. They don’t give a shit about what some marketing guru said somewhere. They want to hear what YOU have to say.
So, take a look at what you’re doing now. Is it because you want to do it, or because you feel like you should be doing it?
We have been conditioned for our whole lives through school, society, media, family and friends, that there’s ONE particular way to do things that will create results.
You might be the most independent, creative, clever person in the world, but you still think that…
-There’s a correct way to drive a car.
-A correct way to manage a team.
-A correct way to approach a woman at the coffee shop.
-A correct way to make a million dollars.
Fact is – these are only ways that have been proven effective. They’ve worked before. That means that they’re a good framework to base your own unique methods on.
So when you hear a coach, a guru, a mentor, a guide describing the “correct” way to approach a situation, understand that it’s only the way that they have achieved results with. It’s correct for them.
Once you realize that all the rules you’ve been taught all your life are merely *guidelines*, you can free your mind.
There is no one correct way to do things. There is only YOUR way to do things.
We’re not interested in a talking head. We want to hear how YOU do the thing.
You want to start doing things your way? PM me and we’ll talk.
Imagine you became successful today.
Imagine you got THERE today.
Imagine you had all the money, all the toys, all the things you wanted when you get THERE.
… now what?
Will you be happy?
Here’s a reminder. You’re already THERE. You’re already successful.
Sure, when you get “the money” or when you get “the boat,” you’ll have a new toy to prowl around with. But if you’re not internally satisfied, no amount of external thing will help to fill that deep abyss within you.
If you expect “it to be better” some day, it won’t. It will always find a way to be exactly the same as today.
Money can buy happiness, they said. Well, it sure helps. I’d be silly to say having the ability to pay my bills or drive my cars wasn’t a huge relief.
But other than that? I’m still doing the same things as before having a good size income. I’m still cruising around town, listening to podcasts, and planning my next big project.
I even occasionally find myself wondering what life will be like when I get THERE. I catch myself avoiding opportunity because “I’ll do it tomorrow.”
So again – imagine you had everything you ever wanted from life. Imagine those things just dropped on your doorstep and your bank account. How would you live your life?
Make those changes TODAY.
Start eating healthy. Go to the gym. Stop watching TV. Drive (or rent) cars. Travel. Pitch clients with much more money than you can imagine.
You’ll be surprised at two things:
Now you see, it’s all an illusion. The struggle doesn’t exist. If you realize that all of these external things won’t bring you the happiness you so desperately desire, you’re right.
People talk about this so much that it’s become a cliché. Mindset, mindfulness, awareness, consciousness, happiness blah blah blah.
What if I told you there’s a very real, tangible way to reach personal happiness and fulfillment? It’s simple, it’s free and it’ll give you more than anything you can get from getting THERE.
It’s called sitting with yourself. Or meditation, to be exact.
So when you’ve reached your dream lifestyle, just stop for a moment.
You’re already there. You just have to sit down and realize it.